Cooperation vs. Solitude

Humans cannot survive without cooperation, cannot think without solitude (independence).

A Disturbing "Natural" Killing

I came across this image on a Chinese online community, which claimed that the "mother deer" in the middle of picture chose to fall prey to 3 cheetahs in order to let her kids running away... while I was stunned and sad, someone suggested that was a fake story. So I searched online and found true story, which is even more disturbing.

The true story was recorded by photographer Alison Buttigieg, who capture this killing scene in Kenya, Africa. What was usual about this killing was that 3 cheetahs did not kill impala (not deer) right away. Instead, they played with the hapless impala, while the mother cheetah holding impala's neck all the time, teaching her kids how to prey. After a length of time, about a few minutes, which seemed infinitely long to the photographer, the mother cheetah finally put the impala to death, or "out of misery". While this is already hard to swallow, what is even more disturbing was the reaction of the impala. I better quote the original description by the firsthand witness, because they are simply breathtaking:

The 6th image of the sequence.
by Alison Buttigieg

What is out of the ordinary in this sequence of photos is how calm the impala is throughout its ordeal. It is probably in shock and thus paralysed with fear. It is disturbing how it seems to be posing in some photos, especially in the 6th one as if determined to stay beautiful and proud until its very end. The defiance in its eyes are in stark contrast with its lack of interest in self-preservation. This allowed me to get unique pictures of a kill that are seemingly choreographed in their grace. I wanted the viewer to sympathize with the impala, and at the same time witness with me the disturbing nature of this unusual kill.

I am out of words to say anything anymore...

The Sun The Moon and Taking Things for Granted

I just read a Chinese parable another day. It says an old man was asked which one is more important, the Sun or the Moon. The old man thought for a long while and answered "the Moon".
"Why?"
"Because the Moon shines in the night when we especially need it; the Sun shine in the day when it's already light."

I found it inspiring. Taking thing for granted seems to be a major disposition of our humans. Yesterday I read another article on facebook about health advice given by a 104 year-old Japanese doctor. While I appreciated most of the advice, one of them struck me hard: "Energy does not come from sleeping a lot or eating well, it comes from feeling good" Well, I hope the doctor did not mean literally (or maybe the translation wasn't accurate due to the confusion of Japanese language?), because the fact right before me is that if we don't eat and sleep, no matter how good we feel, we die, and we die with horrible feeling. As simple as that.

From what I learned humans' energy does come from foods. Sleep doesn't "provide" energy but without it our bodies cannot function well enough to receive nutrition from foods, so it's equally crucial to our energy production.

Since I lived with chronic health problem for ages, I found, people - of course include me - tend to take physical health for granted. We apprise our mental power so much to an extent that some people literally believe feeling good is all we need to live well. The belief in our mental power is also out of proportion. During Chinese cultural revolution, a famous slogan went like this: "The field produces as much crops as people want." Nowaday a popular phrase goes "There are nothing you can't do but only what you can't imagine." Such beliefs go on and on and it is called positive thinking and it's panacea for all diseases and fuel for all ambitions.

Why people so insist the importance of our mental energy? I suppose the reason is exactly the same as that old man who says the Moon is more important than the Sun, that is: like the Sun, foods and sleep are there almost EVERYDAY, so we ignore them, forgot that if we don't have them there will be no chance for our mental exercise.

The Chinese article that cites the parable story above also talks about mother's love, another thing that many people take it for granted. Yes, I believe physical health is like mother's love, we only realize it's importance when we lose it.

The Moon shines in the night, brings us romantic imagination and fascination, so and so, but it's the Sun who stays there day and light, provides the most important sources for our existence, which made all those romantic exercises possible. Yet, when we enjoy these "luxuries", we think those are all it's about and don't give credit to something that is more essential. Why? I don't know but I suppose that shortsightedness is what we are born with.

Loss of Innocence

Having a job like teaching art for children, I have a "privilege" to be with younger generations, which made me happy because I am type of persons who don't like to deal with the complication of adults. However, I also occasionally witness some changes - from immaturity to maturity, form simplicity to complication. Most of these changes are pleasant because they are in good ways, however, I realized recently one of my students turned out to be someone whom I would dislike, if she were an adult.

She was only 5 when she came to my studio. She was so pure and pretty, and had passion for drawing or painting. But recently, at the mere age of 10, she is somebody else, totally different from 5 years ago. She became pretentious, often manipulative (even abusive sometime) toward classmates. And her attitude constantly changes depend on whom she is dealing with. She no longer talk spontaneously, every word she speaks out was prepared carefully in her little brain. To put it simply, she acts like a little politician.

I occasionally recall when she was little (though she is still little), feel a little sad about it. How wonderful if human beings can just stay pure and innocence like that 5 year-old girl, who used to tell me that I was her best friend?

Spread Love, Not Hatred.

Yesterday, I went to public library to vote. In voting room I saw a teenager working there who looked familiar. So I asked her:"Do I know you somewhere?" "Maybe", she said, with a voice of boy. Instantly I realized her face looked identical to a student I taught long time ago, so I gave her a hint:"I teach art." "I was in your art classes." "R****!" I called out her name, though with low voice. She gently nodded.

I found, not only her hair was short, her voice was also totally changed. So I thought that she must be going through sex change. However, after we talked a little, I hurried to finish my voting business, then said goodbye to her.

On the way back I talked about this with my girlfriend, who was driving. She said I might be a little imprudent by mentioning HIS previous name, because he might not want to people know about it. I agreed. I also thought, after all these years, he was still a teenager, going through sex change he must suffer both physically and mentally, and my reaction of meeting him seemed a bit "cold". So I told my girlfriend that I wanted go back to give him a hug. Instantly, she turned the wheel around.

Back in voting room I walked directly to him and said:"I came back because I owe you a hug." He broke into a wholehearted smiled and we hugged, during which I told him that I was proud of him. Then we exchanged some more words and I said goodbye again.

Long time ago I read Ellen Degeneres' mother's biography Love, Ellen, in which she wrote about the moment when Ellen confessed to her about her lesbian secret. Her reaction was giving her daughter a hug, because what jumped in her mind first, was that her daughter had been suffering. I could never forget this detail of the book, because it made such a striking contrast with many of those parents who ditched their gay children.

I do not have children, but I am proud of what I did yesterday.

Yes, let's spread LOVE, not hatred.

Tantra - physical vs spiritual

Based on online definition:

Look at these spiritual beings!

"Tantra is a Sanskrit word that means 'woven together.' Hindu and Buddhist meditation practitioners use sexual union as a metaphor for weaving together the physical and the spiritual: weaving man to woman, and humanity to the divine. The purpose is to become one with God."

Oh please, give me a break! Admit it, it's just physical! There might be some emotional and spiritual touch but, sex is sex. The so called "divine" or "spiritual" part is way too far fetched. To me, it only shows humans' lack of confidence in pursuing physical pleasure.

Unconditional Love and Self-esteem - A Psychological Study of Child Abuse Victims' Emotional Journey

unconditional. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

We all need love. This is because that love make us feel connected to others, and this connection eases, or even eliminates our biggest fear: loneliness. Thus love becomes the greatest – sometime the only - reason for us to live.

But, unfortunately, love from others are not entirely secure. It comes and goes without warning. It's beyond our controls. This is because love from others usually is “conditional”, which means it happens only if we are in possession of certain conditions, such as physical beauty, wealth, social status, etc. So without these conditions, we are in danger of losing love. But, if one gains a type of love that is “unconditional”, he/she would feel the most secure in his/her life, because this love is provided regardless how he/she is, and stays with him/her as long as he/she lives. 

So where does unconditional love come from? I found that they mostly come from two sources: 1, parents; 2, one's own.

"No I Can't" and by Saying That, I Know I Am One of the Most Positive Persons on The Earth

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

"Yes I can!", or "No, I can't", seem to be the signs of positive and negative personality for most people to identify. Over stated? Just look at those overwhelmingly "liked" facebook posts, we get idea.

Long ago I told a by-then friend of mine that "I can't do" something due to my critical illness (oh yes I was all time ill for over a decade - a decade of NEGATIVENESS!), he "kindly" preached to me by saying: "Mei, I don't like to hear you say you can't", as if I said that just by a willful "choice" - another concept worshiped by freewill addicted culture. Without his explanation I knew why he said that, because it was my "upbeat" personality that drew him to me, so naturally my constant remarks of "I can't" really did not reflect his impression of me. Obviously we had "problem" with communication and friendship died soon after.

Is It Really All About Perspective?

We often hear people saying "It's all about perspective", as if we are all equally ignorant, equally in the dark. While there's a grain of truth in this notion, I found it's not 100% true, because beside "perspective", there is are something called "dimension".

In this illustration two shadows on the walls are two dimensional shaped shadows (square and circle) resulted from viewing this cylinder from two 2-dimensional perspectives. The real "idea" of actually object - cylinder - needs to be seen from 3 dimensional view point, that is, not only looking at it from left and right, but also from "up" - a view point that breaks 2 dimensional surface.

"Stranger Beside Me" - Ann Rule's Epic Tale Of America's Most Dangerous serial Killer

English: Ted Bundy in custody, Florida, July 1978. Florida Memory Project, Florida Photographic Collection, #N035653 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

(Some very light spoilers)

I had never heard of Ted Bundy's name until I saw part of his documentary on TV (20/20?) very recently. I was immediately drawn into the story and fascinated by his case for a conscious reason: his look. He didn't look like criminal, rather, he looked handsome, educated, sensitive and extremely charismatic. So I did some research and found a book to read: Ann Rule's Stranger Beside Me.

This is the first true crime book I've ever read and I found it extremely riveting. The most extraordinary part is the fact that Bundy was actually Rule's friend for many years. They both worked as partners in a suicide support center Crisis Clinic in Seattle, WA., and built a warm friendship since then. Rule had no slightest idea that at the time they worked together, Bundy already started his heinous killing. Rule always believed that her friend was a kind, friendly and intelligent young man whom she would want to marry if she was 10 years younger.

"Do You Still Love Me?" - Weakness And Selfishness

My Weakness Is None of Your Business (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I found there is a type of persons, who would always let others make choices for them. Or, if they know what to choose, they would "design" a complicated scenario to force others to choose for them. The "benefit" of acting like this is that when things don't go as they expected, they don't have to be responsible.

i.e., when they no longer love or like someone, instead of saying: "sorry I don't love you." or "I am sorry to say that I've been feeling very difficult to be your friend." they would say:" Do you still love me or not?" "Do you still want to be me friend or not?"

Does Kindness Require Intelligence? - A Few More Words On My "Wicked" "Wicked" Old Friendships

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If we agree that helping others when they are in need is one of most important ways to show kindness, can I propose, that it is impossible for those who are not able to "notice" the situations where others are in need of helps to offer helps, thus it is impossible for them to be kind?

In a couple of my previous posts I mentioned how I lost a few life time friends of mine during my middle age hazard. I also said I moved on, and I did. However, the recent unexpected visiting from one of these friends inevitably brought the issue back to table, and I just have a few more words to say, before I move on once again.

Why Regarding Unknown Illnesses As "Mental Disease" Is Offensive

 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Since most people take modern medicine as "absolute" (by saying that I mean, people believe modern medicine can take care of all physical illnesses, except fatal diseases like cancer), they easily consider the cause of unknown illnesses as "mental". This is why we often see people try to "encourage" those who suffer invisible diseases to work "harder", to push through, as if they are mentally weak individuals. I still remember once a kind lady's first words to me after hearing my brief story: " be tough." I have to say, not only this is a wrong approach, but also offensive attitude toward those patients. Why, because one of primary reasons these people got so sick is precisely because they are mentally tough - so tough that they overdrew their energy, and their illnesses are nothing but the consequence of their mental toughness (physical energy overdrawn).

Do We Really See What We See?

Long time ago, a young man paid a visit to a Zen master, asking for truth. The master welcomed young man by some tea: he poured tea from tea pot into tea cup. When the cup was full, he continued pouring, so tea overflowed. The young man asked: "The cup is full, why are you still pouring?" Answered the master: "You are right. If the cup is full, I would not be able to pour fresh tea in. Same as our heads, if they are full, now new ideas could be put in. So, do you have an empty head?"

This is a legendary tale in Zen history. In life I realized, so often our existing beliefs or knowledge would not only prevent us from learning new knowledge, as this Zen story implies, they also distort our observation. Some time we think we saw "fact", but we barely saw what we wanted to see. How I took this photo of gas light lamp is a perfect example:

One day I drove past an apartment gate I saw two gas light lamps hanging on each side of the stone gate wall. I decided to go back to take some pictures of them. In my memory, the frames of lamps were all black, and I was glad because the contrast between black lamp frames and stone gray background would make a perfect image. So I went back the second day with camera. To my disappointment, the lamp frames were not black, but steel gray, and they didn't make good contrast against background as I anticipated. I wonder if the dust on lamp surface make lamps looked gray, but after I checked I found that's not true, because it was rained earlier, the surface of lamps were perfectly clean. But why I remembered they were black? Then in a flash of moment I realized why: because all gas light lamps in my memory were black! That's why! That's how my "knowledge" distorted my observation: I "knew" gas light lamps were dark colored so I "saw" dark colored gas light lamps.

So this experience reminded me the Zen story of tea cup. I think the inspiration of this story is invaluable to human intelligence, that is, only when we empty our mind, put what we think we already knew aside, can we have fresh minds and eyes for truth.

"God Is Just" - A Truth Or An Excuse Of Selfishness

I say "God is just" is another convenient excuse for practice of selfishness, because if God is just, why do we have to help the poor? That's God's will!

Another argument for religious people on this subject would be, letting some people to be poor so others can help them is one of God's lesson, or "design", in order to let people to learn kindness. Really? How about those helpless, those who died in pain, suffering without cure? And is the lesson of kindness really worth thousands, millions sacrifices of life? Would those who were burned alive agree that their excruciating pain (actually I doubt "excruciating" is enough to describe how they felt) was a means used by God to educate others? If so, I would say this God is either unspeakably cruel, or incredibly dumb. Or both.

Who Is To Blame?

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Probably, so often the reason we (not all human beings but quite significant portion of them) don't like others' strange but harmless behaviors is not because we don't accept them by our moral standards, but because we are not comfortable about our own reactions. In other words, when facing some totally foreign or unconventional behaviors, we simply do not know how to react, so in order to prevent us from embarrassment of awkward reactions, we choose to blame others.

I myself is not completely from this ignorance, but at least now I know.

Childhood and self-esteem

Agatha Christie plaque -Torre Abbey portret (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

(A re-post, slightly edited)

Agatha Christie said: "One of the luckiest things that can happen to you in life is, I think, to have a happy childhood."

If we take "love" - love in any form: romantic, family and friendship - as a proof of our life existence, love is certainly the most important aspect of life, because only if we appreciate our existence in the first place, are we able to fulfilled it. The more love we receive, the more meaningful and joyful we feel our life is. That’s’ why we all desperately search for love.

Do You Play "Go" - A Game That Resembles Life?

English: weiqi-qi (go-qi) 中文: 圍棋的氣（以黑子為例說明，圖中 X 為黑子的氣。） (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I first learned playing board game Go (Chinese 围棋, pronounce as Wei Qi) during my college years. I played a lot in my 20s, during which I had lots of free time. I was absolutely obsessed with this game. After I came to America, life as an immigrant became a survival struggle, I had no time for such luxury. Starting from recent months, as my general life condition gets better, I again indulge myself in this game.

The rule of the game is very simple: two opponents face an empty board with 19x19 grid (alternatives are 13x13, or 9x9, etc.), one side holds black stones, another white, place stones on board alternatively, each time one stone. The objective of the game is to occupy more space than your opponent when game finishes. Of course, there is certain rules of life and death, which means the stones on board have to stay alive, otherwise the space of dead stones would belong to opponent.

Stunningly Stupid Yet Disturbing Materialism Among Chinese Communities

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Last weekend while conversing with an acquaintance of mine about economy, I mentioned a person who I knew remotely, who saved $350,000 but soon lost majority of it in stock market. Right after I pronounced $350,000, my story was interrupted by this question: "What? 350 thousand you call it 'rich'"? I looked at him, knowing perfect why he presented such an out of context question, calmly looked at him in the eye and said: "$350,000 is a big number to me."

Of course, I didn't have to admit to him that I was "poor", since it's so obvious, but my point was to exhibit in front of him, that someone just didn't mind to admit how "poor" she was. According to current Chinese "fashion", it's utmost embarrassing to "uncover" your slim wallet. And I have to add, the "poverty line" set by these riches is very high!

Argument Is The Healthiest Thing In The World

English: Dialectic and Philanthropic Societies debate at UNC in the New West building (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have to just admit that I love argument*. I found dialectics is one of most charming art humans ever created. I also realized, my fondness of dialectics is one of primary reasons that many people stay away from me, and the reason for that, I found, is just that most people think disagreement is too unpleasant to handle.