December 30, 2014

"He Loves Me, Just Not In The way I Want To Be Loved!"

My high school friend married a man who abuses her often. Once that man (is he really a "man"?) even tossed her over the steps from second floor, just because the dinner was not made as he wished. And that's the second day my friend had abortion, for God's sake! Years ago during a conversation with this friend of mine, I somehow started my sentence as such: "Since he doesn't love you..." She immediately interrupted me: "he loves me!" I was surprised. I turned around, looked at her in the eyes and I saw fear. "He LOVES ME, just not in the way I wanted to be loved", she said those words with raised voice and reddened face, and continued staring at me for a length of time, as if saying: can't you understand?

Of course I stopped convincing her, even pretended to understand. Yes, it was obvious that even a blind could see that her husband didn't love her, but it's also obvious that it's better for her to believe that her husband loves her, simply because not being loved was something she absolutely could not bear, something thing far worse than being beaten daily.

I found it's the same way to many child abuse victims: no matter how terribly/brutally they were abused by their parents, they would still feel better to think that is just another way to "love", than to think that they were not loved at all.

At this moment I can't help thinking of our humans' "greatest" invention - religion. Isn't it the same way we love "God": regardless countless innocent people suffered and died through entire history, regardless injustice take place everyday on this earth, we still believe that our mighty God loves us, "just not in a way we want to be loved"?

9 comments:

  1. It's sad, yunyi. Some people are so afraid of being alone, so desperate to have a relationship, that they're willing to put up with any kind of humiliation or abuse.

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    1. It's our weakness, I think. Being alone really is the worst for most people.

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  2. A thought-provoking post. I agree with you, Yun. I hear of parents who kill their babies and I wonder how would a God allow that to happen?
    I don't agree with nothingprofound. I believe the victim thinks that she is loved and that is why she stays. It is not her fault. Abusers can be very nice and loving so they mislead the victim. They can also be very dangerous and threatening, and it can be very scary and confusing for the victim. It is NOT the victim's fault.

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    1. Julia, yes, it God is onmipotent, how didn't he stop all these terrible things?
      I also agree with you that it is not victim's fault. We humans are all weak in a way, to different extent, so we really have to put effort to find the cause of these evil acts exist and find a way stop them.

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    2. Yes. And this ties well with the issue of suicide that you mentioned previously.
      Those who judge lack compassion. People who decide to commit suicide are suffering. They don't need extra judgments.
      I love your quotes and the themes you discuss on your blog. Well done.
      Happy New Year.

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    3. Thanks Julia! I also appreciate your thoughtful input here. Let's all be more creative in New Year! :-)

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    4. "creative and thoughtful" I actually care more about being thoughtful than creative.

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