Experience In Misery, Misfortune, Etc.

Misery (novel) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Experience or study in misery, misfortune, even perverted darkness of human psyche is not a necessity for our happiness, but a must for a good understanding of human nature. And without a good/comprehensive understanding of human nature, humanity would never progress.

"This Sweet Sickness" - This Sweet Pervertedness!

This Sweet Sickness (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This Sweet Sickness is one of Patricia Highsmith's early books. The story is about a young intelligent scientist David Kelsey's obsession of a young woman, Annabelle. As Annabelle pushes him further and further, Kelsey's obsession gets more intense, until he finally traps in an inescapable corner of web woven by himself.

The first one third of book is very slow, I almost gave up, but I am glad I didn't, because the last one third is absolutely brilliant - as situation gets more pressing, Kelsey's hallucination gets more real, he becomes more confused about his true identity. This part of book reminds me The Talented Mr. Ripley, but only more emotionally thrilling (though overall I still like Rilpley more).

Talent Vs. Intelligence

Intelligence (journal) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Seeing so many people so easily and openly admit their lack of talent, yet so uneasily and reluctantly judge their intelligence, it can only make sense to me to conclude that no matter how much people venerate talent, it is intelligence that really matters to them.

Commitment

English: Bernardine Oblates make their Commitment (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Commitment is refuge for the weak, prison for the strong.

Highsmith's Super-antihero - The Talented Mr Ripley

In The Talented Mr. Ripley, Patricia Highsmith created a serial killer who is extremely anti-social, yet intelligent and charming.

Tom Ripley is a young man who lives in New York with poverty. He is also deft con-artist. One day he is caught by Mr. Greenleaf, who ask him to go to Europe to persuade his son - Dick Greenleaf back to America. Mr Greenleaf offers a handsome amount of money, so Tom embarks on the mission.

In a small town called Mongibello in Italy, Tom finds Dickie Greenleaf, who lies happily with his girlfriend. As story goes on, Tom quickly becomes Dickie's friend, and the relationship between he and Dickie gets more and more complicated and obsessive. As a traumatized person, Tom envies Dickie almost in every aspect of his life, and what worse is, he is "abnormally" attracted to him. Unlike the movie version, his attraction to Dickie in original book is not so much sexual, but more platonic and intellectual (of course, Highsmith was not at all into romance, either straight or homosexual).

Saving Mr Banks - Conquering The Dark Past By Creativity

Again, I watched Saving Mr Banks by chasing Ruth Wilson's filmography, and was again satisfied. Not only I was impressed by Wilson's play, also I was surprised to see that another favorite actress of mine - Emma Thompson - was the leading actress of the film.

Saving Mr Bank is about the life of P.L. Travers, the author of Mary Poppins. The film focuses on the part of her life when she comes to America with hesitation to meet Walt Disney (played by Tom Hanks), working with other Disney film workers to adapt her book into Disney film. Prior to this point, Walt Disney has been begged her to adapt her book for 20 years, and Travers, who detests Cartoon culture, does not agree until her own financial situation is in trouble. During the teamwork in Disney, the movie constantly flashes back to Travers earlier life, reveals the childhood trauma that Travers carries all her adult life.

"Edith's Diary" - The Murderous Mediocrity

Edith lives two lives: in her diary, she has a happy family, her husband is loving and her son is successful; in reality, she has a dysfunctional family, her son is alcoholic and her husband is cheating. As her diary turns page by page, her utopian life climbs up higher and higher, to almost perfection; as reality moves day by day, her factual life sinks lower and lower, until the boredom and heavyweight routine gradually erodes her tender heart, consumes her vital energy, take away her sanity and eventually crashes her life.

Among all Patricia Highsmith's novels I have read -the most famous ones would be The stranger on the train, Ripliad series, Edith Diary is undoubtedly the most thrilling. The character (Edith) she crafted is extremely convincing, the scenario she conceived is hauntingly thought-provoking.

"Small Island" - An Underrated Masterpiece

I had not cried for long time, but recently I cried twice, both due to Ruth Wilson's powerful performances, one of which was in Small Island (another one is in Saving Mr Banks).

Small Island is a BBC TV movie that consists of two episodes. It tells a story about lives of 4 people during and after WWII: Hortense and Gilbert, two young black people who come to England from Jamaica seeking for new life; Queenie and Bernard, two young English people who married each other but soon they marriage is disturbed by the war. Hortense and Gilbert have grand dream about their new life in England, but after they come to the country, they not only have to endure poverty, but also racial discrimination. Queenie and Bernard also have to endure hardships brought by the war, but their different dreams and life attitudes seem to tear them apart even further.

"The Affair" - A Powerful Affair

Romance bores me, but affair doesn't... The Showtime TV drama series The Affair, is a story about a serious affair - both lovers - Noah and Alison - are married, with their respectively royal (at least so far) husband and wife, yet they fall in love with each other at the first sight, and get more and more passionate and comfortable about each other. There are quite many sexual scenes, played by both actors intensely and realistically, make their secret passion dangerously contagious. I can imagine that it must be disturbing for audiences with conventional minds.

Again, romance is not my type, but I am addicted into this show nonetheless because there is so much more than just "affair". There is humanity in their affair, which draws audiences sympathy "ruthlessly" to the characters, despite our moral principle; there are background stories with "secrets" from each side's family, being unraveled slowly, but intriguingly through each episode; there is suspense - a murder is going on, which we knew from the first episode, but still know so little about it after 6 episodes. So we keep guessing.

Forgiveness And Peace

English: White tulips (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Do we find peace because we forgive, or we forgive because we find peace?

"peace"

The world might reach its final "peace" if there are only two types people reside in it: one that slap others faces, and one that not only grant being slapped, but also turn the other side to whoever slap them.

From Unknown Illnesses To The Limits Of Reason

Hippocrates: a conventionalized image in a Roman "portrait" bust (19th century engraving) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My mother died in 2010 and I was too ill to go back. When my relatives asked me what kind of illness I had, I had to use bunches of words to describe my condition, because there was no term for my my problem. I did not convince them, so judgment came along.

I consider myself a quite convincing person, but why didn't I convince them on this "simple" matter? Years later I found the reason was simple: I did not have a name for my illness. Had I just thrown them a term like "myalgic encephalomyelitis", I could easily shut all of them up. But sadly that's not what I got. What I've got had no name - at least according to  modern medicine, which most people worship, so my explanation became excuse.

Religious Attitude

The Rivers of Belief (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Religious attitude is nothing more than holding our beliefs - personal or collective, sound or unsound, such as God, free will, humanism, even kindness - as a general truth. That is to say, we are religious as long as we let our beliefs govern our reasoning.

Shortsightedness

 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Shortsightedness, other than its clinical definition, can be understood as the lack of ability to look at reality from an angle that is beyond (or wider than) personal experience and current moment. People with shortsightedness, more or less, would fail to see hope when in negative situations, or, take things for granted when in positive situations.

Imagination , Intelligence, Reason, Etc.

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Imagination is an ability to see invisible or nonexistent things;
Intelligence is an ability to understand existing things;
Reason is an ability to make sense out of existing things;
Intuition is an ability to see unseen things without process of basic (5) senses and reason.

To Live Or To Understand Life

 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It's one thing to live life, another to understand life. The former requires subjective belief, the latter requires an objective (honest) mind.

My Life In Savannah (Part 4)

4. The Beautiful South 

Looking back, I found that the days I spent down River Street was extremely precious, because the passion I witnessed there was not something I could see in my everyday life. Whenever I recall my life in Savannah, what jump into my mind first are not always beautiful gardens or houses, eloquent professors or kind classmates, but also the heartfelt laughter down River Street，the beautiful bar waitress who brought me free beer on the hot night, or the handsome young man who sitting beside me playing guitar, even the drunk homeless man who crashed my chair, while a couple of “coarse” southern women wrestling together in the middle of the street…

Many friends of mine back then were not so fond of Savannah, or “deep south” like I was. They looked down on its monotone culture and sluggish economy. They said the reason that I liked Savannah this much was because I had not yet seen other cities in the country, had not visited those multicultural places. However, after all these years, after being lived from place to place, Savannah remains as my favorite.

My Life In Savannah (Part 3)

3. Street Passion 

Life as a “street artist” wasn’t easy. There were good and bad days, occasionally I could go home with nothing. The working condition was rough. Beside the uncomfortableness like heat or coldness, humidity or mosquitoes, the most troubling condition was weather. Georgia’s weather was so “capricious” that sometime it would rain instantly in the middle of my portrait process. At this moment I usually moved into stores, whose employees were kind enough to let me staying there for a little while, until I finished my works.

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

But all these hard time could not beat good time. How can I forget all those beautiful faces I drew, the joyful eyes that looked back into mine, or the broad smiles that messed up my drawing process but lightened up my heart? Once after I finished drawing a lady and her newborn baby, the lady gave me double amount of money and asked no change back.

My Life In Savannah (Part 2)

2. River Street 

The first (illegal) job I got in America was working in restaurant: washing dishes on Sunday, from 11am - 6pm, paid total $48. It was on the fourth day after I came to this country, when I had not yet settled down myself. Since then, my daily life was mostly from classrooms to restaurants, and back to my cheap apartment at late night. I was impressed by the beauty of the city, but could only enjoy it during some brief moments like when biking to school, or taking bus to restaurants. Most of time, my focus was on one thing alone: survive.

Hanging out with "rich friends".
Jacksonville, FL. 1996.

Working in restaurants didn’t help me to “survive”. SCAD is an expensive private art school. The first quarter’s tuition pretty much took most of (borrowed) money I brought with me from China. So I had to work very hard every day. However, despite of situation, mentally I was quite relaxing. I hanged out with rich students (most students in this school are from rich families), went to beach couple of times, occasionally went to parties, had lots of fun. One day in library, a guy from China told me he decided to quit school, “advised” to me that I should do the same: “I can’t believe you go out with those Taiwanese or Japanese… their one meal would cost your whole day hard work in restaurant!”

My Life In Savannah (Part 1)

My Life In Savannah 

(Savannah, Ga was the first stop of my American adventure. Though my life there was extremely challenging, the beauty of the town and my rich life experience made it an unforgettable chapter of my life.)

1. Savannah, GA 

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In my memory Savannah was always hot and humid. Maybe that's why those giant oaks threw their dense shadows all over the town, cooled down the brutal summer heat. Streets were laid out neatly, on each sides stood elegant old style buildings and houses, which was why Savannah drew tourists. At intersections of streets there were garden-like squares, in which you would see people walking leisurely, or sitting on the benches chatting friendly, while feeding pigeons or squirrels. Everyday, colorful tour buses drove by with the speed of snails, some time even stopped for a while, let passionate tour guides to finish their fascinating stories. Old style coaches moved by now and then, also slowly, but those handsome horses would keep their paces brisk. The showy coach drivers in colonial costume occasionally took off hats, gently greeted to people with smiles. The crisp sound of horse hooves sometime could be heard from blocks away, made the town even quieter than it was.

Yes, quiet and slow. It was south. Nobody was rushing to nowhere.

Outside of downtown was Nature's territory. Driving towards east to Tybee Island, the endless vista stretched all the way to horizon. Swamps scattered here and there, water glittered under the Sun, vaporized in the heat. Sometime, the vapor could be so dense that it became a transparent milk-white sheet, floating ghostly a few feet above grass, giving a mysterious touch to this otherwise a bit empty view. But most of time, the vapor would carry damp heat and penetrated through every inch of air, created that typical sticky humidity of deep South. At Sunset time, the intense color reflected in swamps, turned the whole view into a crimson landscape oil painting. Every time, when this “painting” appeared in my mind, I always heard that familiar song by Ray Charles: “Georgia On My Mind”: 

Georgia, Georgia 

The whole day through 

Just an old sweet song 

Keep Georgia on my mind … 

Savannah is a small city located on the east side of Georgia, about 15 miles away from Atlantic Ocean. It is small, only about 2.5 square mile in downtown area, but it’s old, famous for its rich history.

In 1733, authorized by British government, James Oglethorpe led 114 men, women and children, after months journey across Atlantic ocean, landed in Savannah. Together with local Indians they built the city. Oglethorpe designed the city by himself, made it the first “planned city” in United States.

Savannah was both the first city and the first capital of Georgia. Most buildings were made in 18th and 19th century, and they luckily survived through all these centuries, especially Civil War, during which majority of southern cities were destroyed. In 1864 just before Christmas, after ransacking Atlanta, Union General William Sherman and his army occupied Savannah. Deeply impressed by the beauty of the city, the general decided to keep the city unharmed, and gave it to president Lincoln as “Christmas gift”.

Walking around downtown area, one can hardly not impressed by all those elegant architectures, from Italian or Victoria style houses, to Greek or Roman style buildings and churches. Among all of them, the most outstanding masterpieces I can remember would be the Telfair Museum (Regency style), Cathedral of St. John (Gothic Style), Forthyth park (French style). Of course, the 23 squares scattered in downtown are also inseparable part of this harmonical design.

Savannah was once left behind, almost forgotten. As someone described it as “a beautiful woman with dirty face”. Fortunately, in 50s of last century, several rich and far-sighted women founded “Historic Savannah Foundation”, so Savannah was finally back on its way to revive. Started from 70s of last century, Savannah not only began to draw tourists, also became an ideal place for filming. The well known movies made in Savannah include “Midnight In The Garden Of Good and Evil”, “Force Of Nature”, etc. and the most famous probably would be “Forrest Gump”, which begins with a piece of further drifting above the downtown Savannah.

Savannah College Of Art And Design (SCAD), the school I once went to, is located in the downtown Savannah. Instead of building school in an empty area, this school purchased existing buildings of city, one after another, so the project of constructing the school became project of preserving the city. This process ended up that the whole downtown area is SCAD’s campus.

SCAD was found in late 70s, so it’s development was perfectly synchronized with Savannah’s tourist industry. I still remember vividly when I worked as a greeter in SCAD, there were always tourists asking me: “Where is that bench Forrest Gump sits in the movie?” “Where is the bus stop that Forrest Gump waits for bus?”

However, even though I lived Savannah for almost 4 years, I had not learned her rich history until years after I left her. Throwing myself into a New World without much “preparation”, my life in Savannah was extremely challenging. Yet I survived. Not only that, when looking back, I found my life there was the most unforgettable chapter of my “American adventure”.

(To be continued)

part 2