June 9, 2014

No, I Am Not Grateful To My Parents


I am the master of my fate: I am the captain o...
I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul. (Photo credit: Aristocrats-hat)
Every once in awhile there were always people telling me, or implying to me, that I should be grateful to my profession, naturally, grateful to my parents, for at least I could make living by doing portraits or teaching art. But NO, I am NOT grateful to my profession, nor to my parents, because 1, if I were, I grant what my parents did to me, and  that's something I would never ever do, simply because child abuse is wrong; 2, making living never was a problem to me, and if it appeared to be once or twice, art was precisely the cause, not the solution.

My fighting to get away with art profession was not because of my resentment to my parents (if it was, it's only during the moments when I was extremely weak, which I openly admit, because I am human), but my clear "knowledge" of myself. Since very young age, I knew what kind of intelligence I had and what kind of person I wanted to be. My current "negotiate" with art profession is just a temporary refugee, due to my middle age health "disaster", which lasts more than a decade. This "negotiation" doesn't mean I have given up my "dream", neither it means I would feel miserable if I cannot reach my "dream". I found peace with myself and my fate, include the fighting part - which means I would still fight whenever I can.

Talking about gratitude, there are lots of things in my life I feel grateful for, but mostly, I feel extremely grateful and lucky for my positive nature, which was the reason I survived from a extremely "sick" and poisonous family, and still be able to love life. I am also grateful for being able to living in this country, where I could live freely, think and talk freely. And there are lots more, which are not necessary to be mentioned in this short post.

Another day we had discussion in BC about what's the mantra for life, here is mine: know what you want, try your best to get it, and if you fail, find peace with it, but never give up without a try (fight).

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6 comments:

  1. I like your mantra, yunyi. What is your dream? What are you striving for? I'd like to know.

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    1. very simple, marty, my dream is freedom, which i already have plenty.

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  2. Nice post, Yun. I understand exactly where you're coming from regarding the gratitude issue. I've struggled with the whole "attitude of gratitude" thing myself. What bothers about is feeling like I'm supposed to give credit where credit isn't due, kind of like phony humility. Like you, there are things I'm grateful for some things, but not for everything.

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    1. Kris, I think your comment touched the heart of my post. "Phony humility", exactly! And I found many people use it as a cover for their servility, weakness, etc.

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  3. Sorry to hear about your parents, yun! I dont know where to turn other than towards my parents in the good , bad and normal times. It seems that from your post you're a fighter and you've handled the crisis and overcame it well. God bless you !!!

    Shainee
    apieceofshe.blogspot.com
    xoxo

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